Clownnose

Hum...

Well hello there LJ. You seem so quite compared to face book. My new name for Livejournal is Wordbook.

Oh man. I forgot how nice it was to have unlimited space in which to toss out my thoughts. I think facebook was a good exercise because it taught me to be efficient at what I was trying to say. The only problem is, I have a lot to say and I can only water it down so much without loosing the full meaning.

I think wordbook and living in the van again shall go well together.

Clownnose

blah..

Everything is energy

Thinking about a world where you can replicate anything with a few basic chemical components has a way of altering the value we place on certain objects or mental concepts.

Why is it so hard to rewrite something that we wrote once, but lost do to some unforeseen circumstance. I was working on Facebook for two hours writing an idea out and I miss clicked on the page and got directed somewhere else. When I tried to go back and reload the Facebook note area, all my work was gone. Devastating. This wasn't a normal rant. This was linked to my college advancement and my future; to what I want to do or explore in my lifetime. As in, I was thinking about submitting the paper along with my admissions to a graduate program. I came here to try and rewrite it but it just feels somehow less. Instead of this flow of creative ideas, it's this mechanical reconstruction process. It just kills it. I'll have to start piecing it together. The very thought of going through that process just saps me though lol. oh well. All I can hope for is that this will give me a chance to make it better in some other ways.

need to get some food.
Clownnose

Home again.

Well, Hello there. Nice to see yah. Sorry, I have been busy. Trying out the new world of social networking. Wen I originally shifted I thought it would be a good idea to learn more about people and their ideas. except now, I realize that you can only learn so much about a person in scraps of 420 characters. Some thoughts and just bigger then that. People are just bigger then that. The other sites just are not set up to facilitate such bulk of information. So yah. Expect to be hearing a lot more from me from here on out =P
Sadman

(no subject)

I am not sure how I am feeling tonight. She isn't here. she was going to be but then life happened. I know it's not me but I have a hard time separating it all out. I feel like a fucking child right now. I can't sleep. part of me wants to cry but I don't feel like I am entitled too. She is like a blessing and a curse right now. Do I tell her how I really feel? I don't even know how I really feel. I'm hurt. I know that. I don't doubt that we will get over it but there will be a scar. a fear, a chink in the armor. in my head that is. in my heart. I wish part of me didn't feel like I was giving up.

fuck. I wish I could just sleep right now. and wake up tomorrow and just smile.

In a perfect world, a romantic movie, you'd come over here and crawl into bed with me. but that isn't going to happen is it? Does that mean that this isn't real then, that our love is somehow not as good as it can or could be? or do I just have to great an expectation based on stupid Hollywood romance movies?

fuck

shut up ethan
Clownnose

Well shit. It has been awhile, hasn't it?

I think Live Journal is 10 years old? Funny. I'll be 28 soon.

I have been playing a lot of World of Warcraft lately. So much that now that I am on the downward consumption peak, I don't really know what to do with myself and my time. Which brings me to here once again. It has been a lot of fun I have to admit. To much so if I am being totally honest with myself. I was able to get in with a decent guild and finally get into some hard core raiding events every night. I think we will be full clearing Ulduar on 10 and 25 man by the end of this month in a day or two. After that I think I'll be done with it. The time has come.

There is so much life to be lived. I can't even remember where I left off before. I guess I'll just relay whats going on in my life now.

I met a girl (of course). She is wonderful. I barely know her. 3 weeks and counting. Always happens to me in the spring. She could be the one though. They are always almost the one lol, at least until they are. We are so opposite yet we can communicate fantastically. It's nutz. I have been saying that a lot lately, "Nutz"; with the Z. Hum, not a girl but a woman. She is turning 29 on Saturday =) Her name is Trish, sometimes I call her squish. But not squishy.

I feel at peace when we are together. Just knowing I am with her, in the relationship sense, gives me a feeling of serenity. Like, I don't have to look anymore, yah know? It's nice. I'm happy. Nothing I ever really expected to find. These days my biggest fear is, "what if she dies?" I know right?. nutz... as in, I would be so sad to loose her; every second is precious. Quite a unique feeling for me. I have never been afraid like that before in regards to my feelings for another. I love it.

I am going to start working on the van tomorrow for the first day. Tis time. Taking it to a jiffy lube center for a check up and an oil change. Need to get the manual transition figured out, see if it just needs some fluid or if the problem is bigger then that. Burning man is fast approaching and I need to pimp my ride so I can weather the sand storms in style and comfort.

I love my Star Wars room.

E3 has me jonesing for some new games. Mario Galaxies 2 is on it's way, a new Star Wars MMO as well; Still waiting for Starcraft 2 and Diablo 3.

Technological advancement continues to amaze me. The new Xbox 360 controller system, the natal, is fucking amazing. new paradigm in gaming. Things will never be the same.

Combine that with, brain wave capture assisted controller devices and current big screen movie 3D technology for home use and you got yourself the future.

I have one more semester of college left at WSU to get my bachelors degree. Should have been done last semester but I made a few mistakes that couldn't be undone. But it's all good. I decided to go into pyschology mostly. SO this gives me a chance to fill out my resume with some classes int eh filed that I otherwise would not have taken. No idea what I will do once I get out still. One step at a time I suppose.

I did some research on Burning Man. It is going to be such a riot. Can't wait to get down there and just start living free. let me tell you, naked Ethan in a desert for sure. Come sandstorms or mudstorms.

I am waiting for Trish to call me back right now before we go to bed. She is in Cali working on a Union organizing event. That is the work she used to do. She is in school to be a middle school math teacher right now. Hot, I know. She is going to help me work on my algebra skills =) in exchange, I am going to help her work on her garden. And give great oral sex. of course.

I wish the star ships on my ceiling were on a track and a timer, so they would move around and mimic space flight. Maybe one day I'll get around to doing that. Have had the same wish since I was like 10 years old. maybe I can even add in some blue and red laser points and a fog machine of some sort =P

oh, she rings... laterz
Clownnose

(no subject)

So I am not going to class in the summer. Going to take some time off to explore, enjoy life, work on the van and look into some of the topics of interest school has fostered. Try to plan the future somewhat.

I am going to be graduating in the fall (which means I'll be done with my undergrad by 2010). Just 10 years after high school. ha. The cool thing is that I'll still be able to get financial aid even though I dropped the ball on some of my classes this semester. So yah.

Also, I have been very intrigued by psychology as of late. So to make up for lost time I am going to blast myself with almost every class that WSU offers on the subject that I am interested this fall.

This will be my schedule for next fall. (the bold classes are the ones I am enrolled in, the others are just ones I will be attending)


GenEd 302 Advanced Writing Tutorial

Psych 372 [B] Introduction to Physiological Psychology

Psych 321 Introduction to Personality

Psych 333 Abnormal Psychology

Psych 342 Assessment and Treatment of Dual Diagnosis

Psych 320 Health Psychology

Soc 102 [S,D] Social Problems

Anth 395 Evolutionary perspective on women

Psych 301 Seminar in Psychology

Psych 466 Environmental Psychology

Psych 384 Sensation and Perception

Psych 328 [M] Self Control

Univ 300 College Major and Career Planning


Going to be very busy from Monday to Thursday =)
Clownnose

predreams

WOW. it has been awhile. no love for the LJ.

I have a big choice ahead of me. been messing things up because I don't know which way to go. I don't know what to do next and next is coming up fast.


My life has seemed more like a fiction story these days, except that the pain and pleasure is being directly fed into my brain. Can't just put down the book or turn of the tube.

Sometimes I feel like I am just waiting to hear that I have cancer. Then maybe I'll actually feel motivated to do something. I'd say it is time to "shit or get off the pot" except I think the rim of the pot is big enough for all of us to sit next to one another, hold hands and shit in unison.

My foot/leg is doing better. even ran a bit today. Played some Frisbee with a gal who I am smitten over. Either we will end up together or I'll be doomed to feel like there was a spark that never got a chance to blast off for the rest of my life. She reminds me of my mom a bit, which is comforting yet terrifying.

school is fucked. I am barley scrapping by this quarter. GPA is going to take a huge hit. moving on.

I can either take the summer off and take the 3 classes I need to graduate in the fall or keep pushing and be done before August. fuck if I know.

"I want my dick to spend the rest of my life inside your vagina. I know we only met a month ago but that just goes to show you that I have a good feeling about the long term outcome of our relationship." - Some movie in my head

I miss writing. what I say doesn't seem to have much meaning. o others that is. Still. it's an outlet for my emotions. inexpressible in everyday life. partly due to the nature of the information, partly because writing has it's own strengths that allow for specific ways of expression that would be lost in another communication medium.

big words don't sound so dumb when your reading them as when someone is saying them. Plus, you don't look like an idiot when you take time out to go look unknown words up.

I have stopped seeing a lot of people from my life. the old life? perhaps. just a different time. kind of wiped the slate a bit. Maybe I'll come back one day; reminisce. I figure if I change enough and put myself in different situations with different people, eventually I'll discover some kind of core to my being; some trend that seems to follow; learn a little about myself while expanding and exploring at the same time.

how low can you go? how high can you climb? how far is your reach? what can you take? what makes you break? where do you stop? when is it a good time to end?

ideas. I love ideas.

99% are pure "funny in the moment" bullshit. trick is to find a way to capitalize on the remaining 1%. Of course, I prefer to socialize on the 1% but that never really works out the way it does in my dreams.

well, that's not true. TLDM. Debatable whether that "worked out" or not though.

The winds are blowing a bit. not cold, just a breeze in the spring sun. Taking a bath in star light.

Need to cut some cords. Time to work on the van. time to set the stage for who I am going to be for the next few years.